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Fail Forward Towards Success

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“In the end, only those who do not try lose.”

It’s the ‘end’ of my 90+ day challenge. I began on February 1st at 138.0 and weighed in at 131.4 on May 5th. My lowest weight was 129.4, last Saturday during my week long carb cut. May 4th was my half birthday, so my goal was to enter the second half of 32 in great shape. 

I use the word ‘end’ lightly because its the beginning of good weather season and I can still get down or remain where I am. The final week I had too many delicious carb foods and fell off my strict regiment. The end of my process was primarily cardio driven which really made my carb loading near the finish line useless. My head just wasn’t in the right place to finish strong. I’m also a perfectionist, so when I saw where I was going to end up versus where I expected to end, I slipped up. It’s that last line of my poem, “life is a beautiful struggle between who we expect to be and who we become.”

I intend to continue to push myself further towards success. It has been a whirlwind of hard work and persistence. Now I’m just happy being able to eat my two or three servings of plain oatmeal in the morning rather than six egg whites every morning. Buying a case of 60 eggs at the store is the closest I’ll ever get to feeling like a bodybuilder.

I’ll continue my regular commitment of gym time and work on getting stronger. At one point in 2015, I had reached the goal of a 200lb deadlift. It would be nice to get back to that level of strength with deadlift, squat, and bench.

Persistence on the Senses

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Yellow hues of artificial light in the kitchen. As I willfully try to keep the vertical blinds closed. Hinged on the confetti falling from a barely risen, nearly April sky. This is the sight of persistence.

An amalgamation of mahogany teak wood and the lingering aroma of last night’s Brussels sprouts fighting to escape into the apartment hallways’ collection of stove top concoctions. This is the smell of persistence.

Clutching on to the slick, cold laminate of the small breakfast bar to multitask myself into reading emails and charging my phone. This is the feel of persistence.

A palatal blend of almond butter and blueberry acai flavored caffeinated water lending a temporary feeling of satiation. Due to being too early for a proper breakfast. This is the taste of persistence.

Randomized popping noises from the refrigerator combined with the clicks of deadbolts as neighbors hustle to early morning obligations. This is the sound of persistence.

Alone in these elements, I persist.

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It’s a Math Game

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Technically it’s day 87 of my 90 day challenge and I am already in percentage points within 130 pounds. It’s the fifth low carb day in a row and it hasn’t been very difficult to manage as the finish line gets closer. I have kept my fat content at the absolute limit as a way to not feel the full effects of deprivation. Fat helps regulate how you feel. My go-to sources of healthy fat are almond butter and avocados. 

I’m pushing the finish line to May 4th to coincide with turning thirty-two and a half. Below is the ten day ritual I have gone through once before, two years ago. Today is Day 6. Through more experience and knowledge, I won’t be limiting salt or water intake near the end as they do not really dry you up. Your body compensates and contrary to all those fad diet claims, you can’t trick your body. Lowering your sodium intake simply causes your body to excrete less sodium. Salt also helps with vascularity to make those galaxies of veins that God gave me pop. Also, limiting your water intake actually puts reserves into the cells which is contradictory to the “dry” look one strives for when stepping on a stage.

Obviously I am not prepping for a show but again, the fun is in the challenge of pushing myself to reach a goal. Previously, I wrote a post about changing my goals as it looked like I was not going to achieve the weight goal I had set in the beginning. As it stands now, it is entirely feasible to reach my original goal of 128 pounds. And if you think that sounds like a drastic number, my BMI would tell you different. Clearly BMI is crap science, especially when you have some muscle mass. There is no way I could sustain this type of daily food and exercise regime.

My first splurge of “bad food” is going to be a Papa Murphy’s Chicken Garlic Pizza and about a dozen donuts. Although, that would screw up the importance of reverse dieting to slowly get back to normal macros.

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It’s All In The Angles

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A postcard from the State Fair came in the mail the other day. My goal for this year is to get three ribbons.

Yesterday I traveled to Waupaca and had lunch with a former grad school classmate. I left early to have some time to photograph some sights although my weakness in navigation proved to keep me just on time. A few shots after catching up, on my way back to town using my F1.8 50mm lens. 

And then some more starry night photos from Sunday.

Two Thousand Additional Inmates Per Year

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Experts predict that Wisconsin’s inmate population will grow by at least 2K this year due to tougher drunk driving laws. The DOC and state congressional teams have voiced their support for the possibility of leasing space in county jails as well as the possibility of contracting with private prison corporations to fill the immediate need for more space to house offenders.

As a social worker and a numbers guy who has knowledge of services and service limits in the community, it seems like we are hedging our bets on the side of institutionalization rather than providing services to help people who are more likely to be at risk of succumbing to the effects of economic downturns and limited availability of resources.

Recently the governor released a statement about testing recipients of state assistance programs who are going to be drug tested prior to receiving services. The governor implied that those who failed the tests would be given treatment services. Let’s be honest about what drug testing is intended to accomplish for those needing assistance programs.

It’s all smoke in mirrors to appease higher SES taxpayers. Being fiscally conservative is not a bad thing but its time to stop this “us vs. them” mentality in the availability of services and providing people with a hand to help them up rather than giving them boots without straps. 

In a previous post, I mentioned a solitary confinement cell being placed at a church in De Pere. Next week from April 30th to May 6th at the Presbyterian Church in De Pere, JOSHUA for Justice will have events coinciding with their replica. A similar replica was displayed at UW Fox Valley a few years ago although the events were primarily attended by people already aware of the issues. Please help other people become aware of the issues surrounding incarceration in Wisconsin and solitary confinement as a ethical and human rights issue.

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10+ Days to a Goal

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I challenged myself to the goal of a 90 day weight drop this year. I’ve done it in years prior. Having gone from 156 after graduate school to 135 slowly over the course of one year,  I now find it mentally difficult to put on any significant amount of weight without an end goal in sight. I would love to have bigger muscles but I too succumb to the pressures of body image and having a toned physical appearance.

I began my challenge on February 1st at 138lbs and with just under two weeks left, I am currently at 133.2lbs. Yesterday was a high carb and high fat day after getting together with a long-time friend for brunch. Yesterday I was at the 132.8 mark. I suspect stopping my daily creatine for two weeks will drain some water weight from the muscle tissue. Also, try as I might, I do periodically give in to the foods hovering around me at work, such as glazed donuts and corndogs.

I haven’t really found the happy medium between calories and fitness. If I don’t eat enough, my body holds on to the weight in starvation mode. I don’t eat back calories I lose at the gym and I don’t do  pre-workout meals. I also don’t take a pre-workout concoction of caffeine above my normal daily intake. I also don’t force myself to drink a ton of protein powder. If Myfitness Pal tells me I’ve reached 100 grams of protein for the day, I’m good. It’s difficult for me to desire to choke down four 56g scoops of whey isolate per day.

I’ve found that it is much easier to accomplish a goal when I have a deadline. I’m sure I haven’t put in my total energy into this goal but then again, I’m not doing it for a show or a competition. I’m doing it because I enjoy challenging myself and working on the process of developing something gradually towards an end that can be visibly shown.

So it’s the home stretch. I have a ten day regime that I follow that I have tweaked over the past two years after educating myself on the science of food and biology. Challenge ends on May 4th, my half birthday. I’m going to present something that ties into my piece, Life is Poetry.

Fudging with the Facts

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An article in the Chippewa Herald by the Wisconsin Center for Investigative Journalism suggests, that inmates in solitary confinement have been reassessed to make their mental health statuses less relational to the harm of solitary confinement on those with mental illnesses. This apparently comes after Governor Walker proposed changes to how inmates with mental illnesses are treated physically, psychologically, pharmacologically, etc. In this regard, a memo was released asking professionals in the DOC realm to reassess inmates pertaining to mental health statuses and levels of functioning related to their level of confinement.
In an era where mental health is gaining support for services in the consciousness of the general population. Having a Governor and a State department to feel the need to reassess inmates to fudge with the statistics behind funding and operational success of incarceration institutions is mind boggling. The governor is in the midst of attempting to make himself look good in the face of another re-election campaign. A failed presidential campaign where he boasted the budgetary restrictions he has already forced on limited resources in Wisconsin should provide some indication of his potential to successfully continue to govern our great state. 

Any recent attempt to overhaul the incarceration rate of Wisconsinites has failed due to policy makers and state legislative bodies. Having never visited a prison in his time as Governor, how effective does he expect to be in creating real changes in a department he doesn’t seem to care enough about, nevermind how many potential voters are being lost in the ever increasing maze of minor infractions, mandatory minimum sentences, and social consciousness wars where taxpayer monies are wastes in awareness campaigns.

​Read the referenced article at this link: http://m.chippewa.com/wisconsin-prison-officials-quietly-changed-mental-health-status-of-inmates/article_39c22536-62de-5357-94eb-f3e65ae79423.html

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Disturbing the Peace

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When I was an undergrad at UWGB, writer Chris Abani came and spoke about writing dangerously and talked about his life and the inspirations he found in reading James Baldwin. Abani had been an activist in Nigeria where the gov’t had put a bounty on his life.

Abani and Baldwin inspired me to write dangerously and honestly. It is in hearing about what others have experienced that we discover that our experiences are not so uniquely isolating.

Having moved away from a sense of victimhood over the last year in my head and in my writing, I still try to write honestly with an overall positive vibe. This can be seen in my sidewalk poem and my piece Life is Poetry as well as pieces I am currently cultivating in my head.

Aside from my written endeavors, recently I was presented with a wonderful gift that I decided to take. I was given the opportunity to force myself to pursue printing larger prints of my photos. With the purchase of my new camera in November, I had never printed anything larger than a 16×20 in the number of years I have pursued photography. Printing out a 20×30 of a sunrise scene turned out amazingly. I actually do not want to part with it. My apartment is a collection of empty photo frames waiting for the perfection that will never come about. I’d like to get into the habit of publishing, printing, submitting, and selling my photos and now that I know that I can print larger scale prints without reducing quality, I am ready. On Instagram, the Wisconsin State Journal seems to appreciate my photography skills. Look out State Fair Competitors!

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