Vision

Living A Balance

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Aside from winding up forgetting to eat yesterday, I made the decision to skip the gym and support talented people. I went out to listen to a local Green Bay rock/blues band, ‘Sons of Kong.’ It was the first time being at the Gasoline Bar next to the Mason Street Bridge. An environment of beards and leather and here we are, a group of misfit social service workers. Sons of Kong’s talented drummer is a co-worker/supervisor. It is great to have a talented local band to follow as in the past my family followed Westside Andy and Mel Ford centralized in the Madison area.

You can listen to Sons of Kong from the link below. Also, they are releasing new music on electronic music platforms on April 7th.

https://sonsofkong.bandcamp.com

I stayed after the set to watch my coworkers play pool and attempt trick shots. Occasionally observing a woman who was cut off by the bartender.  After I returned home, I submitted a haiku to ‘The American’ magazine before their submission deadline. I had started a new poem on the Senses of Persistence yesterday morning that couldn’t get edited/refined in time for submission. A good friend of mine who we’ve developed a relationship around people and poetry, introduced me to the poetry contest. I’m currently still waiting to hear about another poetry opportunity that my friend directed me to as well.

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Let me shoot your dog!

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I need to shoot your dog. No, I mean with my camera of course! As far as the photography side of my life, I’ve not pushed myself too hard into getting the photos I’ve wanted to capture. I spent a lot of time working on my skills through self-portraits, flowers, landscapes, and animals. I’d like to push myself further and create really great photos. I’ve entered the Wisconsin State Fair Photography Contest the last two years and have received ribbons. The really sad thing is that I have been in my apartment for almost one year and have only hung one photo up on the wall. I hung my favorite photo of my old dog Earl in the bathroom, along with my state fair ribbons and my sidewalk poem.

With my writing taking center stage through my job and having the most success and adorations, photography has fallen to the wayside even in the face of having purchased an updated DSLR a few months ago. I’m making an effort to get back to it especially now that winter is over and the outdoors seem so much more beautiful without all of that exposure-altering white snow to make photos grey.

Here is a link to my ideas for a Weimeraner photoshoot (http://pin.it/4ukatgy). I haven’t pushed enough to get the opportunity to photograph the people, places, and things that I want to shoot. Additionally, I want to put together a faux Wedding shoot as well as photograph a fit guy in a blue suit with light tan accents. You can find those boards on Pinterest as well.
I have a lot of photography equipment and a backdrop system with professional muslin backdrops. Below is a sampling of photos I’ve taken of the dogs of friends and family. The fourth one down (B&W), is in my bathroom. I love dogs.

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Making a Poetry Video

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Getting a tattoo in May 2010 to commemorate the love I have for my brothers gave me the ink itch. I’ve spent the past seven years thinking about tattoo ideas. Last year, I found an Instagram photo of a forearm tattoo that read, ‘Life is poetry’. I immediately desired it. But I’ve also longed to have my own poetry tattooed as well, so I set out to write a poem that meant something to me whereas I could legitimize getting such a tattoo done.

It took me a while to get my words down and wrapped into an overarching theme. In the past, all of my poetry was dark and vengeful. These last few years I’ve move away from vengeance and into celebration of life. So I had to work out the darker areas and find a brighter message. What I ended up with touched people that were given the opportunity to read my words.

I then set out to create a poetry video for my poem, inspired by Button Poetry on Youtube in their, ‘Poetry Observed’ series. https://youtu.be/3pyzlA0Rv7s

I’m a writer and a photographer so my ability to make videos has only revolved around some old Windows Movie Maker videos. I’ve made some photo slideshows with music and once I edited together a collection of TV show clips to create a video in support of marriage equality.

I started looking and educating myself on video and video editing. As a photographer, I’ve  become good at Photoshop. Last year, I updated my camera to a DSLR that can shoot HD video and I have yet to really put it to the test. As a master planner, I research a lot and I stumbled onto Youtuber Peter McKinnon (https://youtu.be/TXzLvYN-HSc) who creates wonderful how-to videos for video production and photography. I began to understand the importance of B-roll and the injection of music as an undertone.

With a nasal, monotone voice due to lack of physical structure, I have tried to improve the ability to perform my poetry. I bought a microphone and have recorded a few pieces for Soundcloud. My goal is to finish a poetry video by the end of 2017. I’d like it to be more of a produced video rather than performing a piece in front of the camera.

I’ve picked High Cliff State Park as my focal location. Stay tuned for updates as I work on documenting this process to completion.

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Next Level Decision

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On Sunday night March 5th, I was in a gym all by myself at 11pm. When I should have felt great with an amazing workout, I felt frustrated. Being alone in a gym showed me how different my priorities are compared to others. I made a decision right then and there to stop pursuing things I’m not good at and instead excel at what I am good at. 

I’m currently on a ninety day diet for more than aesthetics but for rejuvenating a goal of self-improvement. Taking inspiration from my latest poem, ‘Life is Poetry’ I am working towards becoming the best version of who I can be. 

I’m relaunching this website in the three areas of my interests: Advocacy, Art, and Vision. Posts on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Monday posts will be in advocacy focusing on corrections and resources for after release, an ‘Asking For A Friend’ series, and social policy changes within the news. Wednesday posts will focus on photography and creative writing, and Friday posts will focus on motivation and the path to being successful in achieving your goals.

2016 & 2017

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2016 is when I started working as a social worker. I have used my talent in writing to make a career in social work and treatment planning.

I accomplished 7 of my 10 written goals in 2016. I only wrote down 10 goals for 2016 because many of them had gone unaccomplished in 2015 and even 2014. In 2017, I have bigger goals for what I can accomplish. I am shifting my personal time advocacy subjects from children to adults and corrections so as not to interfere with my job and my effectiveness as a professional.

I cannot begin to explain all of the ways I have surpassed my beliefs and expectations for my life in 2016. Jim Rohn talks about finishing before you start. I now have simple, medium, and big goals for the year. In 2016 I learned to move in spite of fear. Now I’m working on planning the day, week, month, year before it starts. I am also working on improving myself rather than improving the things around me. “Success is something you attract by the person you become.”

I walked into a door.

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​I walked into a door tonight! I was folding laundry with my Bluetooth headphones listening to theodd1sout which is a hilarious Youtube channel. The person sounds a little too much like someone I work with and someone I’m Facebook friends with so maybe I shouldn’t say that?! Anyways, I was putting clothes away and I walked into my closet door which is ironic because I walked in to the walk-in closet door! And then I think about how pompous it is to mention that I have a walk-in closet. But good things come to those who wait and I waited too damn long for this apartment which had everything that was on my ‘he researches everything to death so much so that I can’t handle it’ apartment list. So the door was closed and it was closed for the first time ever because it’s big and half empty and I like looking at empty space with potential. However, now it has my patio chair in it because I didn’t put my chair in the garage and instead left it out until it snowed and now I don’t want to be a weirdo who walks down the stairs with a bright green patio chair in below zero weather to put it in my detached garage. (Now I sound like Ms. Brahms from Are You Being Served? When she talks about living in a home that is detached. I love old comedy shows.) 

So I like empty spaces and now with a bright green patio chair, my closet has become a storage unit, so I closed the door so I didn’t have to look at the storage. This is also ironic because I live right next to a storage unit facility. I think about how stupid it is that people have so much stuff that they need to access at what I would consider weird times to access “extra” stuff. And maybe some of these people store drugs, because why do you need to go to a storage unit in the middle of a blizzard?

But when I drive through my complex I see people with garages jam packed with junk and their cars out in the cold, taking up limited parking areas. My garage has my weird sidewalk poetry stamp in it and some washer fluid. And maybe before work some day this week, I’ll brave the anxiety of being looked at (my mind completely disregarding the potentially dangerous windchill) and get my patio chair into the garage!

Also, I just renewed my website, which is why I wrote this here and not as a long Facebook post. I’m going to be writing more on this site soon. Bye

Escaping the Research

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Prior to digital photography, I did not possess a skill in taking photos. My first two digital cameras were 3.2 MP and 5.1 MP Canon point and shoots with live view. I bought my first DSLR in 2008. The Sony A200 with 10 megapixels. It was the only camera at the time that came with 2 lenses. From there I purchased other lenses, even an old film lens and photography equipment such as studio backdrops and a rather large umbrella.

The A200 allowed me to work on my photography skills as it did not have live view and I eventually exclusively shot (and continue to shoot) in manual mode. The camera’s limits taught me how to compensate and achieve the photos I wanted to take. It also provided me the added challenge of mastering Photoshop for editing. As I attended family weddings, I would watch a “friend photographer” use the latest and greatest camera model and hand the new couple a large folder of unedited photos. I knew my boundaries and I also knew that I couldn’t bring myself to offer someone an unfinished product or a limited potential for such a big event in their lives.

In approximately 2012 I began researching new cameras for an upgrade. Sony had released the A65 and A77 both with 24 megapixels. I waited and waited for the prices to drop as I continued my research. I went to an outlet store and their prices were still too high. Eventually, Sony discontinued both models. I had researched myself out of the ability to upgrade my camera. Then Sony came out with the A77ii which was the new fangled A mount upgrade. The price was extravagant and even now, years later, it’s still at $1000 for body only. Sony came out with E mount cameras like the A6000 but buying one of those would either render my lenses useless or I would have to buy an additional $350 E mount to A mount adapter.

I thought about switching entirely to Nikon with another camera bundle. From time to time I would look at the Nikon D7100. However Nikon probably spits out more camera models per year than Canon and Sony combined. Nikon also makes certain models that can use a range of lenses and certain models that can only use specific lenses, the difference between the D7100 and the D7200 illustrates this perfectly.

Recently I happened upon the discovery that Sony had come out with the A68 which is supposed to be the new A65. It had been on the market for less than a year. Rather than research my way into being forced to continue to use my already 8 year old camera for another few years, I jumped and purchased the A68.

I’ve entered my photos in the WI state fair the last two years and have walked away with ribbons. It’s time to step my skills up. While others see talent in my current photos, I can see the limitations in focusing, detail, ISO, zoom potential, and personal photography style. My A200 gets grainy at ISO 400 and new cameras can reach upwards of ISO 32000. Night, star, and northern light photos require high ISO. My photos cannot be zoomed in and cropped without losing details. My moon photos are limited in size and detail. Even when shooting in RAW which provides the most potential for editing purposes, I see the limits of my camera. Creating composite photos has limited my creative range using HD backgrounds and lower definition photos.

The A68 is also a video camera for which I can use the range of lenses I own. I’ve done old video editing using Windows movie maker and would like to add video to my repertoire. An additional goal is to make poetry performance videos.

I don’t need the latest and greatest camera model to stand out or achieve what I want to achieve. The A68 is actually considered an entry-level camera but I shoot in manual mode and in RAW format. After eight years, even an entry-level camera provides a large number of upgrades for my skill set. Now to get out there and shoot!

Vision Sunday

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Easter was spent with family and good food. I brought my work computer home and like usual never touched it. I can’t do work on the weekends it seems. I managed to squeeze in a workout before bed so that my sugary carbs were less detrimental to my new week efforts.

I need to get serious about my vehicle and apartment acquisitions. I called the bank and I checked new apartment possibilities. I need to work time into my schedule to call people and set things in motion.

I checked the calendar and the Fox Cities Book Festival is beginning April 18th. I have one suggestion for the organizers. Can we make the poetry reading a little better than a small town version of “intro to poetry” for High School students? One year there was a workshop with Guante. It was really great especially for the two or three poets who showed up among the older ladies who shell out $300 for a local poet to spend five weeks teaching them at a glorified coffee house/tourist attraction on how to imitate dead poetic styles. We’re in an election year, let’s get people to raise their voices. Let’s get people to speak up about personal issues. Let’s get poetic about issues that matter. Let’s just get poetic and not spend thirty minutes occupied in boondoggle. One year I read my darkest poem and won a box of mac&cheese. The next year I read a poem about words doing damage and won a box of outdated wheat thins.

I think I’ll get involved and ask to help plan the event rather than get mad about the usual outcome.

Vision Sunday

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Even though there are 7 weeks until the Fox Cities Showdown in Oshkosh, I’ve decided not to enter to compete. I’m not bailing from a commitment to myself but rather being realistic. I am being honest about where my body is in the process and how seriously people take these competitions. I’ve read somewhere that your self-esteem is your reputation to yourself. But I’m not escaping, just changing my end goal. I’ll be setting up a photo shoot with a local photographer for the beginning of May.

It is important to keep an end goal for all of this physique and dieting that I’ve been dedicated to for at least 8 weeks now. Like today, I did the treadmill for an hour before starting my weightlifting workout. Also, I had 4 cinnamon rolls this morning! However I barely went past my calorie limit and didn’t even reach my high carb day carbs.

I started reading “Rich Dad, Poor Dad. Learning about assets and liabilities. It helps me know that my confusion/rebellion over choosing a car that costs more than my current assets is correct. Obviously I need a car but I’m not going to get myself into the commitment or burden of taking out a car loan that is more than my current savings. I’ll buy a car at a price I know I could pay out in cash if I needed to down the line. I’ve been very financially responsible so far in my adulthood. I don’t want a vehicle to throw that off course just because I want a car that still has the original warranty still in effect.

This next work week is going to be long but I’ve already made my schedule and looked at the when and where of each day to help me succeed in the goals.
I’m going to a city council meeting on Wednesday to read my short poem that will be stamped on the sidewalk in downtown Appleton.

Vision Sunday

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I am left a bit deflated after driving around and looking at used cars. The ones I like don’t have warranties. It looks like I’m going to have to buy a car and not an SUV because I can get a newer model for less money with an actual warranty. I was looking at SUVs because I’ve been driving minivans and Santa Fe’s so long.

My parents went to the store and bought their first smartphones. My younger brother is on the same plan. I’ve had my own phone and plan for almost a year now. Anyways, when my brother couldn’t get his Facebook linked to his new phone, because he wouldn’t let the phone experts do it, the world had to suffer their sins upon their king.

I am all ready for the week. I have some personal phone calls to make before I go to work tomorrow which are inquiries about available apartments near work and not in Green Bay. We have a staff meeting tomorrow night, so it will probably be an eleven hour day. There is also a townhall on Thursday in Appleton about children’s mental health in the area.

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