birthday

Upon the realization that birthday 34 was days away, I became introspective about how my life has been going. I was able to accomplish getting my LCSW by failing and changing tactics. One of my other goals accomplished was to hit 128 on the scale. It wasn’t healthy but sometimes sacrifice has to be made to get to the goal. My photography was in two different venues at the same time this summer. I had two portrait opportunities that subjects were happy about the finished product.

I had a much needed conversation with someone who has already been a mover and shaker at multiple levels. Whether it was in the cards or not, my successful ventures have found me in a place of authority that I didn’t plan on reaching so quickly.

Truthfully, I’ve passed over people around me as having different ideas of what success means and how to get there. It was lazy and socially ignorant to assume such from others who have conquered their own life stories. I started taking in the advice of others who have made connections with movers and shakers. At the same time, I cringe at the thought of being a part of a boys’ club. Maybe I need to get over what my idea of a boys’ club means in the grand scheme of making successful connections for different facets of success.

The brutal reality may just be that I lack social skills from all of the surgeries, recoveries, and doctor’s notes. But I like to believe that I’ve learned a few things about life that the vast majority will realize far too late. And for now I’m keeping my secrets.

In year 34, I want to work on getting a house I can afford and set up shop in the surrounding area as a mover and shaker. I really want a dog. Its been eight years. The dog comes with the house. I want to take a trip to Toronto preferably not in cold weather.

Right now I find myself fighting mental body ideals in a quest to gain weight in order to gain muscle. Going against society’s thirst for always losing weight. Being inundated by an Instagram feed of bodies that remain skinny all year long. Seeing the growth of my quads has only solidified my goals as I see difficulty in gaining weight but improvements in my level of workout intensity. It’s also difficult to be aware of what I can realistically reach with a physique when so many influencers have used cheat codes to get them to their Instagram glory.

2018’s theme was, “Get what you came for.” 2019’s theme may be, “You don’t get to sit down.”

-Relentless Advance-