rethinking

I am guilty of using the phrase, “Things Happen for a Reason” liberally. However, it is part of having an external locust of control (psychology talk). Since taking over more control of my life, I have used it less and less. I have had people look up to some of my successes in life, so people have asked me about my motivations and perspectives. It wasn’t until someone really challenged my idea of “reason” in a brutally honest way that I began to contemplate how I could keep using such a phrase. A friend and coworker of mine asked me in response of my line, “things happen for a reason” whether their was some higher purpose for the suicide of their cousin. In the moment I floundered and stuck to my belief in a preordained fate.

It wasn’t until I saw an article link on Facebook that really demanded my attention to address the counter arguments. I couldn’t get it out of my mind, for days. The link is below.

http://www.timjlawrence.com/blog/2015/10/19/everything-doesnt-happen-for-a-reason

One thing that has also changed my locust of control recently was taking control of my body and my health. After graduate school, I spent one year losing twenty pounds slowly and in a healthy manner. Then I began weight lifting to build my physique and gain even more confidence. In taking control of my body and being so determined to follow a plan, I opened up new opportunities for myself. I am much more conscious that I help control my current circumstances.

When I try and sell myself in a job interview, I tell them that I listen to understand rather than to respond. This is true, because I have learned that people do not need advice when they are grieving, they need your presence.

People don’t often understand what trauma does to you. For me, anger is in everything that I write. I have used anger as fuel and to propel my passion to advocate for others. My poetry is very angry and dark and raw. I believe in writing dangerously and being able to connect to the emotions of others in similar situations